Yet, many of us allow garbage to build up in our lives and often we are the biggest culprits of filling up the trash from the inside out. We take the trash out of our kitchens, bathrooms, bedrooms, and garages and put it neatly into a garbage can outside and then we feel clean and clear. But when it comes to making an internal sweep of the clutter and trash stashed away in our minds and rupturing our souls, the steel door like that used on a panic room is slammed tightly shut… locking away the garbage to rot inside us all.

You look at the outside of a banana that’s starting to spoil; its beautiful yellow color is now marked with black spots. But you think it’s okay, the spots aren’t too dark, I can still eat it, it’s the only one left it the house and I love bananas on my oatmeal. You open it and inside the true impact and depth of the destruction… a mushy banana that resembles baby food in a wrapper. The rotting, once it was visible on the outside, had already wreaked havoc on the inside of the banana. This is what happens to you when your emotional pain remains unexpressed, unpeeled.

What is your emotional garbage doing to you? How deeply seated are the scars of sibling rivalry; a fight with your spouse; a confrontation with a co-worker; a hated job; an I’m-not-good-enough mentality; the ego-depleting effects of sloping sales or a failing business, the list goes on and on. While it seems good moments wear out and slip away, worries are built with energizer batteries-they’ll outlive you if you let them. Not only do the old worries keep going and going, but there’s an endless supply of new worries in the world.

Yet one of the most inspiring phrases I’ve heard is so grounded in reality that it’s often overlooked. “When bad times happen, remember this too shall pass. When good times happen, remember this too shall pass.”

Life is about change; whether it’s good times or bad, the circumstances will eventually change. If you don’t want to deal with change, get in the box. That’s right; after you’re dead you don’t have to deal with change or stress. However, if you choose to live, then welcome change as an opportunity to grow and develop into the person you’re meant to be because when you let the fear of change rob you of a fulfilling life, life isn’t worth living.

To live with fear is a life half-lived ~ Spanish Adage.

For more stories like this one check out my book, If the Trash Stinks: Take it Out! 14 Worriless Principles for Your Success

Our minds can work in the same way. Sometimes we get a little off and need a tiny bit of a tweak here and there. Sometimes we get a lot off and need a major tune up! What gets us out of balance or off track and needing a mental tune up varies from person to person. It could be the everyday stresses of life or a catastrophe that sets you spiraling into an out-of-balance cycle. Whatever it is, getting back on track reinvigorates your soul.

Oscar Wilde said “we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars”. When you’re feeling out of balance, it’s hard to see the goodness in the world. If you focus your vision on looking upward you’re certain to eventually see the bigger picture. But like many people, I have off hours, days, even weeks! Regaining balance can be extremely challenging. I have found that if I don’t take time to stop and re-fuel my soul, then I can’t ever find my balance.

I see a lot of people heading off to yoga, Pilates, or running trails–this is good stuff! They’re not only doing good work for their bodies but also re-energizing and balancing their minds.

But what happens when you get stuck? You just don’t feel motivated to workout or try to get out of the funk that you’re in? There seem to be a lot of people who gradually slip into a depressed state sometimes the harder they fight it, the more it takes over.

Research indicates that depression is becoming even more common that it was during really difficult times such as the Great Depression. Scientists believe it’s in part because life is easier. What? How can that make sense? Is life really easier? In some ways.

It seems that’s because certain things in life are not as difficult. We have ready-made food and microwaves, so we don’t have to spend time chopping, preparing, and cooking it. We have remote controls for everything so we hardly have to move to change the TV channel, turn on the lights, etc. These things, while making our lives easier, have taken away some of the things that our brain needs to help it grow. The activity of doing these tasks causes our mind to focus on things and helps keep depression at bay. An idle mind leaves plenty of room for self-defeating thoughts to fill your head.

Keeping your mind and body busy helps ward off depression. That’s why exercise is a great remedy. However, you can’t workout all the time. When the blues set in, remember that if you start to do something that requires your mind’s attention and some physical effort—any task—you’ll find that you likely won’t slip into a deeply depressed state. At first you may not feel like continuing the task, but keep at it and in a short while you’ll find that you’ve given yourself a natural mental tune up.

Let’s say you’re on your way to an important meeting when a traffic accident occurs, instantly slowing the flow and forcing you to creep along the freeway. In that moment, if you automatically deem the situation to be negative then it’s likely you’ll be frustrated, upset, and stressed. But if you view the situation as neutral, you recognize that these types of things are simply out of your control-you realize that your reaction to the accident is what’s within your control, and you choose to be peaceful, then you will have a stress-free ride to your meeting.

So simple, yet so difficult to do when we’re actually in a situation like that.

I’ve read many books about how to handle stress, how to diminish it, and how to escape its ill effects-most of the time stress is talked about as though it were the flu and people have to hope and pray they don’t catch it. Stress is often seen as something that’s floating around in our world and if you’re not very careful it’ll attack you.

I used to view stress that way. But I’ve adopted a new attitude about stress. I view stress as a chosen reaction to circumstances and therefore if I choose to I can elect to have a different reaction.

It’s amazing the power our mind has over the experiences we have in life. I recently visited Chama, New Mexico for business and pleasure. While I was there I thought a lot about what a stress-free lifestyle these people must have. After all, how stressful can life be when you live in a tiny town with wide-open fields and so few cars on the road that traffic congestion would be seeing five cars backed up on the double-lane road into town? (Okay, for those addicted to fast-paced living that thought alone probably creates stress for you!) But my point here is that it’s not the environment that creates the stress-it’s the way we choose to see our environment and circumstances. If you believe that you can only relax and be stress-free in the country, in a hot tub, while getting a massage, etc. you’re setting yourself up for limited moments of stress-free living. Instead, if you realize that even in situations and environments that most would deem stressful you can choose peace, then your mind will take you to those stress-free places even during intense moments of chaos. Your mind is so powerful that you can think your way out of a stressful situation. The problem is that’s not normal or common in our society.

Most people are so used to dealing with stress that subconsciously they bring more and more stressful situations into their lives. They talk about the problems in their lives, the negativity, and all the things they don’t want. Then, as though they beckoned it into their lives, those problems and negative and stressful situations increase. You’ve heard this before: focus on what you want to get bigger-the problem or the solution. People who make valiant efforts to live stress-free, talk incessantly about the positive things in their lives, what they have to be happy about, and the good they are creating every day.

It’s that simple; and while it certainly may be easier to practice this when you’re on vacation or in a place that you typically view as stress-free, bringing home the skill to choose your reaction to all situations will empower and enrich you to live stress-free no matter where and what is happening in your life.

When an enormously painful event occurs we frequently turn away from that pain and seek to suppress the emotions or run from them. What we need is to be liberated from the feelings, to no longer fight to suppress them, to allow ourselves to live and, as the Thai’s say, put a little “sanuk” or fun back into our lives.

The problem is that tremendous agony frequently causes us to get stuck in bad places-our minds become frozen and our thoughts no longer stay in the present but are lost in excruciatingly painful memories. Yet, we all know, no matter how much we remember we cannot bring back the person we’ve lost. We often develop habits that aren’t good for us to help alleviate the pain.

So how is that we can get unstuck?-unglue our mind from this imprisonment that masochistically brings suffering?

Pema Chodron a famous Tibetan Buddhist nun, spiritual teacher, and writer describes first what causes us to get stuck and then how we can learn to get unstuck in a popular recorded lecture called Getting Unstuck: Breaking Your Habitual Patterns and Encountering Naked Reality.

She likens our need to run away from problems, pain, and discomfort to the analogy of a child who gets scabies and is faced with having to do the right thing to heal. When we take this child to the doctor, the doctor says this is a rash and prescribes a medicine and then tells the child that he must not scratch. But, just as we all do when there is discomfort, we seek to escape the pain and so the child scratches.

In this analogy scabies represents the pain and discomfort we are all trying to avoid.

“In other words, scratching is a way from turning away from, trying to get away from, trying to escape the fundamental discomfort-the itch-which we could also call insecurity or just that bad feeling that comes over us,” explains Chodron.

The doctor’s medicine is symbolic for the spiritual teachings and practice or that which will help us heal and become unstuck.

As the child scratches, at first there is a sense of relief from the scratching but, then quickly the scabies spreads and becomes worse. Now, the child is itching and scratching everywhere and is truly suffering.

But the true absence of pain and discomfort come when the medicine is applied and the child stops scratching and instead allows the healing to begin. Then if the child wants to heal and has enough sensible care and love for himself, he will apply the medicine and avoid the scratching. Then gradually the rash begins to go away. The urge to scratch dissipates. The itch lessens.

“And as any of us know, particularly those who have had really strong addictions, this can take a very long time. Nevertheless, it’s the only way because if you keep scratching then not only does the itch get worse but you find yourself more and more in Hell, basically, because your life becomes more and more out of control and misery- based,” says Chodron.

Losing a loved one can make you want to scratch all the time-but no amount of scratching will make that person come home again. I have found learning to get unstuck, to leave the painful memories behind and face reality (painful emotions and all) helps to liberate me-the itch is still present but the urge to scratch is gradually fading-and that has allowed me to put a little “sanuk” back into my life. I hope it helps you too.

~ Benjamin Franklin

A lot of us continually make excuses as to why we can’t have the life we want. To live successfully we need to “leave the buts behind, or they will only get bigger”. Every excuse you make prepares you for yet another one and serves only to delay your success.

Excuses allow you to forget or pretend that you are not responsible for your success or failure. The important first step in this principle is to begin to accept that your life is the way it is because of you. You are responsible for your happiness and success. And you are responsible if you hate your life and are unsuccessful. Excuses only serve to allow you to duck responsibility.

When you recognize that your life is in your own hands and you can determine whether you succeed or fail, you give yourself power to choose and competence to take action. You have more self-respect when you take full responsibility for things that happen to you in your life.

Some people act as though their life is like that toy, the Rubik’s Cube. The cube starts off perfectly aligned and balanced when you take it out of its package, but, like our lives, we can mess it up quickly. In no time at all you turn it left, then right, up, and then down-and before you know it, the cube is a mismatch of colors-and you have no idea how it got that way or how to get it back into alignment. Life can be like that. We move in various directions, often not evaluating our actions and choices. Good decisions make us happy; for bad decisions we make excuses, rationalize, and blame others. This behavior is a dead end for success.

What “but” do you need to leave behind?

I really want to drop 20 pounds “but” it’s just genetic for me to be heavy. I wanted to go to the event “but” I just got too busy. I really wish I were out of debt “but” I just can’t save money. These excuses will undermine a person’s character and self-esteem. The more you make excuses, the larger the excuses get. At first it might be an excuse for being late such as I would have been on time to work “but” there was heavy traffic. With more practice using “but” it soon turns into I hate my job and would have changed careers, “but” I’m just too old, not qualified, not certified, etc. Don’t underestimate the power of “but”-it can halt success instantly. Live your dreams by getting the “buts” out of your life.

Focusing and rehashing troubles produces negative thoughts. The negative thoughts create emotional “trash” that pollute your life and cause you to become unhappy. To see what I mean, take a problem and discuss it at great length. You may initially feel a sense of relief from the unloading of the problem—that sense of relief comes from getting something off your chest—but you will find as you continue to talk about the problem, your mood will shift to an unhappy state. Thought pollution will cause you to become emotionally distraught—even though the problem hasn’t gotten any worse except in your mind. Your excessive thinking about it made it seem worse.

Thought pollution is highly contagious and dangerous to the wellbeing of each of us. But little if anything is being done to stop the spread of it. In fact, if you look around, you’ll probably see evidence of it everywhere and in nearly everyone. It presents itself as worry, fear, envy, hatred, anxiety, stress, unhappiness, anger—it takes away joy and causes the inflicted to live outside of the present moment because their minds are polluted with thoughts about things that have already occurred or have not yet happened.

Through my desire to unearth happy moments—free from thought pollution—I found the real answer is in being at peace and living in the present moment. As trite as that may sound—that is where true happiness is revealed. It’s not found, made, or produced by someone or something. Happiness is uncovered when we take away the worry, the anxiety, the stress, the over-thinking—the thought pollution—only then does happiness exist in each and every one of us.

The problem is that most of us have too much in our heads. The thoughts that are disserving to a person are what I refer to as “trash”. Taking Out the Trash (that negative and self-defeating thought pollution) allows a person to make room for empowering messages and peaceful living. But, if you simply Take Out the Trash and then continue to make more trash, peaceful and happy living will escape you—as it did me until I started living in the present.

Living in the present takes you out of yesterday, keeps you from attempting to experience tomorrow, today and instead let’s you enjoy this moment right now, free from thought pollution. In order to keep the garbage out, you have to stay here, in the present moment. But thought pollution masks itself as “the right path” to happiness. People erroneously believe that if they “think more” about their worries or troubles they will discover a solution and create happiness in their lives. However, the solution, really comes when we are relaxed, free of worries and open to receive new ideas. That is also where peace and happiness are revealed–from that natural state of letting the mind take a rest from thought pollution–then happiness surfaces from within.